It’s not that I chose to drop the addies, but rather, they chose to drop me…I lost them.  All of them.  3 full bottles of 30mg, not the extended release but the original orange pills that you could break down and feed yourself a cute little 5mg with a black coffee and call it brunch.  Oh Adderall, how I loved you.  Me and every over or underachieving college student, financier, lawyer, doctor, athlete, you name it! Amphetamines don’t discriminate on whom they can speed up or help focus with crystal clarity.  This is not a writeup on the benefits of adderall, but rather how you’re better off not taking them to begin with. 

4 years ago I lost an adderall reserve I had been stashing for years.  Not only was my sacred stash gone, but so was my health insurance.  Like a large majority of millennials, I was working for a company that did not provide health insurance and I was knocked off of my parents healthcare plan at the age of 26.  I had known the lapse of my healtcare coverage was coming. I was prepared for it.  I stockpiled my adderall for years prior in preparation, knowing I would no longer be able to afford my crutch for success without insurance.  

One day, in the midst of a chaotic NYC move, I was unpacking my belongings in my new place only to realize I had lost my most important box.  A moment that claimed a space in my psyche for longer than I’d like to admit.  At that time I hadn’t been without my beloved pill since 18 years old.  It got me through college! Embarrassing to say but it’s true.  I was not alone in the this, it was an openly shared habit amongst everyone I knew. No one ever seemed to be ashamed, but more so proud to say they had access to something that could help them achieve such high levels of success. On the surface it seemed to be that way, but was that reality?

Coming off adderall was a blur.  I felt tired for what no joke was almost a year.  To this day I have never felt so awake as the days I was on it.  Post use feels like a persistent  heaviness behind the eyes that could easily be lifted with the not so subtle boost of amphetamines.  

Along with a loss of adderol was my concentration. It was out the window so to speak.  With the help of social media, procrastination in the form of literal mindless scrolling is the easiest way to escape reality while seeming busy.  Tuning out is second nature.  With all that is going on in the world, it America’s favorite hobby to dive deep into the sunken abyss of the internet.

Neither here. nor there, I write this as a message to anyone who can relate. Know that no substance has a hold over you. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, and while life without your crutch may seem unattainable, you are far better off standing on your own two feet and will be happier mentally and physically for it.